It was a rainy evening, the cold wind swept fallen leaves through the city. My companion, Lè Yáo and I stood under an umbrella at the entrance of the Municipal Women's Hospital, our faces pale amidst the bustling crowd as we watched...

"Zhao, I'm pregnant."

I was taken aback and immediately stared at her, saying, "Find the person who got you pregnant! Why did you call me out to meet?"

"This year, I only have you as my boyfriend. Who else would I look for?"

"I said, 'This year, I've only had you. Do you believe me?'"

"Zhao, are you a man?"

"Everybody's here to have fun, don't blame me if you get into this kind of trouble. If you want me to be responsible, come up with something concrete, don't just talk empty words. Who wants to become a father out of the blue?"

Le Yao fell silent for a moment before saying to me, "The child has already been taken. What proof is there left?"

"I'm a little angry: 'Do you think I'm stupid? You took away my child, and then...' " I raised my hand, speechless again, "And then, you tell me the child is mine, that I was foolishly believing it? ... Leyao, we are both adults now, can we do something mature?"

Le Yao bit her lip and stared at me for a long time before saying, "You're not willing to take responsibility, are you? Tomorrow I'm going to your company..."

"How dare you!" I exclaimed angrily.

Le Yao was biting her lip and looking at me, I thought she was a good actress. We met at a bar, a place she frequented. She said she had only slept with one man in a year. If I believed her, I would be a fool.

I don't want to be bothered anymore. I took out my wallet and handed him all the one hundred yuan bills inside: "Isn't that what you wanted?"

What, take it and don't bother me again!

Lè Yáo didn't speak and didn't pester me anymore. She nodded and turned, holding her umbrella and walking towards the hospital. It seemed like she still owed some fees...

Looking at her lonely figure in the rain, a strange feeling welled up inside me. Though I don't believe the child in my belly is mine and though I'm resentful, I sensed she must be going through a hard time, otherwise she wouldn't have turned to me like this.

I was silent for a long time before finally calling out, “Wait…”

Lè Yáo turned her head and looked at me.

I took out a bank card from my wallet and handed it to him: "This card has some money on it. You just finished your work, buy yourself something to eat and rest up."

But Yueyao didn't answer: "…No need, just seeing that you're willing to take responsibility is my goal. I found you because I don't want to be slept with carelessly and get pregnant carelessly!"

……

In the bar, I was nursing a drink, waiting for Fangyuan, my only friend and colleague in this city.

Since the very first day this bar opened, I've seen too many lonely people, hollow men here drinking all sorts of liquor, or in silence, searching for something to "live and die drunk."

In fact, when we cast aside the day and let our souls get lost in this sea of neon lights and revelry, we are already living a drunken dream.

>>>I don't remember from what night it started, but I've made this place my haven. I like the people here, the swaying lights, the various kinds of liquor, the smell of perfume mixed with tobacco, and the drunken revelry. And in that drunken haze, I carve up the messy past into tombstones.

Light a cigarette and put the ashtray on.

Thin, covering my eyes, looking at the swaying lights, Zi also swayed along, in the light folded by the thin, I seemed to see a kind of making do! Not some divine!

……

The flimsy slipped from my grasp, and suddenly my world came into focus.

"What's the rush? What can I do for you?" Fangyuan put down the briefcase in his hand and lit a cigarette from my ashtray.

"I need to borrow some money, I was cheated!"

"Who's pregnant this time?" Fangyuan said nonchalantly.

"Damn it! I've been scammed again…"

"Who scammed you this time?"

What are you asking all these pointless questions for?

“Every time I lend you thousands, thousands of dollars, you make me realize that my money has been scammed by someone!”

"Yue Yao," I said, lighting a cigarette with suppressed rage.

"That flat model?"

"Isn't that right? You people are all crooks. Saying I'm the only man in a year, do you believe it?" I slammed my fist on the table, making it go "crackle and pop."

"This kind of thing couldn't possibly happen to me. Besides, I wouldn't scam you out of a few thousand dollars, would I? Last month, all the promotional posters for our department store were shot, and we got over 10,000 yuan as payment..."

"I scoffed and interrupted Fangyuan, saying: 'Don't you realize what the regular consumption is like? Over 10,000 yuan can barely cover a month's use. What if something goes wrong? There's no money to deal with it, and then you come to me again. I shouldn't have introduced you to our company in the first place. I didn't earn any money from it, and now you're turning around and trying to screw me over. Do you even have any industry conscience?'"

Fangyuan, however, ignored my anger and asked me in a low voice.

"Did you guys use protection?"

I racked my brains but could only remember that I was so drunk at the time that I couldn't even recall if I brought a condom. After a long pause, I mumbled, "I did... or else I'd be saying I got tricked!"

Fang Yuan looked at me suspiciously for a long time before sighing and saying, "Zhao, we've been friends for almost ten years. Sometimes I really want to advise you. I know Jian Wei breaking up with you was a big blow, but it's been two years now. You really don't need to treat yourself this way... Youth is fleeting, find a good friend and settle down, okay?

When the name "Jian Wei" was mentioned again, I subconsciously paused for a moment before saying, "How's it going, buddy!"

"No worries! Right?"

……

Fang Yuan gave me a lecture for half a day, and I impatiently dealt with him for half a day. In the end, he left with a parting remark of "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" after leaving in a huff, forgetting that he owed me money.

Luckily, having frequented bars for two years and often brought friends to consume there, I was on good terms with the bar owner. This time, my drinking expenses were temporarily put on account.

Stepping out of the bar, holding an umbrella and walking down the rain-soaked street, I truly felt what it meant to be alone. I had spent two years in this city, but all I harvested was endless emptiness and loneliness. To cope with this emptiness and loneliness, I had to put on a mask to appear alive. With this mask, I could live comfortably in my self-indulgent state.

But no matter how I struggle on the edge of pain, I will not go back!

……

Walking alone, lost in thought, he took several steps before returning to his small apartment complex. It was an old neighborhood, so old that even the property management office had long since vanished. During his first year there, he'd heard...

The aunties in the neighborhood said that this apartment complex was built in the early 1990s. After years of wear and tear, every building looked so dilapidated, yet they stood shoulder to shoulder, afraid of being alone. It seemed like each building had come alive. This made me feel that late at night, when everything is quiet, they would whisper to each other, relieving decades of loneliness.

Smoking, I took the keys out of my pocket and walked towards the building where I lived. It was the only building in the neighborhood with ivy, and every summer, the south-facing wall would be very green. If these buildings could be classified as male, this one would undoubtedly be a man, a cold one.

It often makes people feel sad!

……

To my surprise: a red Audi Q7 was parked downstairs in this dilapidated building. In my memory, during the two years I lived here, there seemed to have never been a car worth over 500,000 yuan in this neighborhood.

Without much thought, I whistled and strolled down the hallway toward my apartment. As I reached the top floor, I was surprised to find the door ajar. I remembered locking it when I left, and instinctively thought that there must be a burglar in the house. After calming myself down, I realized that I hadn't paid my landlord, Old Li, rent for two months. It was most likely him here to collect.

I opened the door. Landlord Lao Li and a stranger were sitting on the sofa. A set of Audi Q7 car keys was placed on the coffee table. There was no doubt that the Q7 parked downstairs belonged to this strange girl.

Then a question flashed in my mind: what kind of skills did this old Li, this commoner from the marketplace, possess? To be able to bring such a noble lady, as pure and white as a lily, into this simple house? It was truly beyond my comprehension!……

(The End)